Learning Outcome: “Demonstrate the ability to approach writing as a recursive process that requires substantial revision of drafts for content, organization, and clarity (global revision), as well as editing and proofreading (local revision).”

Framing Statement: While transitioning from rough drafts to a working final draft for project #2, I made both several substantial global and local revisions that enhanced the quality of my work. When first addressing global revisions, it is evident in my final draft that I went back to my body paragraphs and ensured that each one began with a topic sentence that clearly laid out the theme of paragraph, a feature missing from my both my 400 and 800 word drafts. For example, as indicated by “Revision 1” down below, the beginning of my first body paragraph in my 800 word draft began with a statement that didn’t exactly lay out the sub claim of the paragraph but instead acted as something I felt the need to explain to the reader before diving into deeper topics. This paragraph was about humans being in relationships with their technology, so in order to capture that theme in a sentence I included the following sentence in my final draft to act as a topic sentence: “In some form or another, we are all in intimate, one-sided relationships with the web.” I then placed my old topic sentence immediately succeeding my new topic sentence (highlighted in blue below) as I still felt it was an important aspect of the paragraph. Another global revision I would like to highlight was my ability to go back and add more personal synthesis and align my own perspective with the other writers I included in my essay. As highlighted down below by the heading “Revision 2,” in my incomplete 800 word draft I add a quote from Kelly and then abruptly end the paragraph. However, in my final draft, you can see I clearly take a stance on the quote and continue by adding an abundance of personal evidence (highlighted in green). The addition of this analysis and synthesis makes my writing more complex and strengthens my argument. In terms of local revision, on this project specifically I dedicated a lot of time to close reading and fixing sentence level errors. The local revision I would like to highlight is my increased knowledge of MLA formatting that has come from this course. Located below under “Revision 3,” I have included screenshots from my final draft demonstrating my competency of proper MLA format. This formatting is near nonexistent in my rough draft. Through the revision process, I was able to address both global and local concerns in my writing. These amendments included the addition of clear topic sentences for each of my body paragraphs, adding more “I say” in order to enter the conversation more effectively, and changing the format of my paper to meet MLA guidelines.

Revision 1:

800 Word Draft Evidence

Final Draft Evidence

Revision 2:

800 Word Draft Evidence

Final Draft Evidence

Revision 3: